Late Period?!

For two weeks I picked apart everything I was feeling, and tried not to think about it! Two weeks is long enough without me picking apart every little twinge or tummy ache. I tried my best, but it didn't help, I still questioned everything I felt going on inside my body. But then, something happened that really got my hopes up. The day my period was due, it didn't come.

Could this really be it? Could it have really worked this time? Could I actually be pregnant?! I still didn't want to get my hopes up too high because it hurts bad enough seeing those negative tests or getting P. But I was excited, P didn't show!!! It was 28 days from my last period, and although my body isn't known for working right, all the meds have really helped it be on time. The only thing that worried me though, was that I had started the Clomid later this month, and the IUI was on day 16 of my cycle instead of 14. Could those days put my period behind?

I couldn't wait to find out, and I wanted to know for certain, so I ran over to urgent care and got a blood test. I know that the test only takes about an hour in the lab, so I was certain I would be able to find out quickly. I about crapped my pants when (after they were done) the dr said he would have the results tomorrow. Yep, tomorrow. Then he asked if that was ok! NO! Its not ok, I need to know right now!!! But, he had already drawn my blood, and there was nothing I could do, except wait, and take a home test.

I was nervous, and just wanted to know, so I bought a home test, and headed to the bathroom. It was one of the double line ones, not the "pregnant" "not pregnant" digital ones. I didn't want to watch the window, but couldn't stop myself. And I watched and waited as only 1 line appeared. Negative. My heart sunk, I felt sick, and tears brimmed my eyes. I was still going to hold onto some hope though, despite my better instinct telling me not to, for the blood test.

I didn't need the dr to call and tell me the results the next afternoon because P showed on her own that night. I couldn't think or function. All I did was cry. I cried because this was the best chance we had had. I cried because we had to use IUI to only get a 20% chance of getting pregnant, the chance the average person has every month. And I cried because I knew that we needed a mental and physical break from trying. That is where we are right now.

We are still trying, and have plans in place, but I am taking a break from the Clomid and treatments right now. You can only take Clomid before having to take a break, and I have taken it 5 times, so I have to take a break. We still know when to DTD, and do during those times, but we are trying on our own for a couple months. If no pleasant surprise happens by August, we will do another round of IUI.

I know this break is necessary, but it is still hard. When my period showed this month, both M and I were upset. We thought that since we weren't "trying" (or trying with the dr this month) that maybe we would get lucky. So we are on to another month, and getting closer to August for our other round of IUI.