I Feel Like I Feel

I think I can feel Peanut moving around. Its not very often, or very much, but I'm pretty sure I can make out the first little movements.

I can't wait until they get stronger and more often, since that is such a comfort because then I know that little Peanut is doing ok. I also can't wait until M can feel the movements. He is very anxious for that and I am excited to see his face at the first kick. I think Pumpkin will be pretty excited too!

Peanut is supposed to be doubling in size this week, and to be honest, I can feel my stomach muscles (yeah, I like to pretend that I have some!) stretch. It was actually kind of painful this morning, but I am happy to endure it, knowing that it is for the growth of our baby.

Other then that, nothing new is really going on. I am still jobless, and thinking I will probably be that way for quite a while. We are trying to make ends meet, and while it is very stressful right now, I know we will make it through, someway, somehow.

Scheduled Colposcopy

We had our Dr appt today, and it went pretty well. I have only gained 1 pound this past 3 wks, so I was really happy about that.

We talked to Dr K about the HPV and the colposcopy. I had heard some pretty scary things (and yes, I did the bad internet searching too) about getting a colposcopy done while pregnant, so I was (and still am) very scared about doing it. Dr K assured me that it would be ok though, and that she has never seen any issues come up with doing one. So we scheduled it for 3 wks out, at 3 in the afternoon. M will have to work, so he can't go with me, but he is hoping to be done in time to come and get me. If not, its ok, I will be able to drive myself home. The procedure will take about an hour though, so I need to take something fun to do! I think I took music last time...

I also talked to Dr K about delivering vaginally with HPV or having a C-Section. She said that she hasn't heard of any complications with vaginal deliveries, so unless something goes crazy wrong with the cancer, we will stick with a vaginal delivery.

I am so nervous to have this procedure done. I will bleed, and that scares the crap out of me. Bleeding during pregnancy is always a huge red flag, normally meaning miscarriage, so the thought of bleeding, even if its induced by surgery, terrifies me. I guess you have to do what you have to do though. I do know that I will not do anything that may put the baby in danger. I will risk my life first (not that its that serious right now, but just saying!).

This will be another long 3 week wait, but that will put me at 18, almost 19 weeks, which is really exciting! And really close to getting to find out what sex Peanut is!

One Day At A Time

I lost my job. I actually didn't "lose" it, I got fired. And to be completely honest, I think its because I am pregnant. I have been being bullied and got written up twice since I announced my pregnancy. I am so stressed about it. I can't collect unemployment because I was fired, although I am trying.

I am really trying to reduce my stress though. I know that stress isn't good while you are pregnant, and I am starting to feel sick lately. So I am trying to relax, take one day at a time.

I am looking for another job, but its going to be really hard. Not many people want to hire a 4 month pregnant lady, but hopefully someone will. Until I find another job, I am trying to enjoy not working, and keep my stress low. Money is really tight, but I try not to think of it.

We have our next Dr appt on Thursday, and we will be able to talk to Dr K about my HPV and what is going on. While that whole situation is stressful, it will be really nice to hopefully get some answers.

So life is pretty stressful right now, but I know we will make it through, one day at a time.