I Did The Dreadful

M and I got into a fight. Part of it was he was mad that I hadn't told any of my friends that I am pregnant. He didn't understand the reason WHY I didn't want to tell him. So, I had to the dreadful. The thing that I DID NOT want to do, ever. I posted it on Facebook.

*GAG* I hate when people post things about being pregnant or announcing it on Facebook. But, M wanted people to know, so now they know. I cringed when I submitted that little status update: Oh boy... or girl! Still makes me sick! People were very excited of course, but I am still scared.

I guess there isn't much I can do about people knowing, especially now. Plus this is a small town, and word spreads so fast. Everyone would have known soon anyways. Just wish I didn't have to fall into the masses of people announcing it on Facebook.

First Appointment

We had our first OB appt yesterday. It wasn't that exciting. I got a physical (I think M started to feel a little uncomfortable!), and she went over everything that is going to be coming up, such as test, ect.

Going off of the dates of my last period, my due date is February 28. Next year is a leap year, so I really hope I don't deliver then! We have a bunch of birthdays in February too, Pumpkins, M's, M's sister, and some friends. What's one more?!

Dr K tried to find the heartbeat yesterday too, but couldn't. I am feeling ok about that though because she said it would be really crazy if we could hear it at this point. She did set us up with an US for next Friday though so that we can see our little bug and hear it's heart. M hasn't gotten to yet, so that will be exciting for him. Our next OB appt will be the following Monday.

I'm still feeling pretty sick. Trying to stay active and walk and bike ride, but when I start feeling icky, its really hard to get motivated! It seems that ice cream never fails to make me feel better, so I have to try really hard to stay active if I am going to give into that craving!

Beef, It's What's NOT For Dinner

I LOVE meat. I have always loved meat, that is what we grew up on. My
dad hunts (and so do I!) and so we have always had deer meat in our
freezer and for dinner, along with regular hamburger of course. One of
the best meals ever is a steak, medium rare, with a baked potato. Ok,
I have to stop or I might throw up!

Yep that is right, my food aversion so far has been meat. The sight,
smell, even thought of it makes my stomach weak. I don’t know what to
do! We have some form of meat almost every night for dinner! I’m going
to have to go on a vegetarian diet or something to get me through
this. I just hope that after this pregnancy, my love for meat returns!

First Dream

I have always had pretty vivid dreams. I can remember them clearly, sometimes so clearly that the “bad” ones stick with me and bug me all day (even days) long. I also have reoccurring dreams.

Last night I had one of my reoccurring dreams, except it was a little different this time. The ending was different, and it is still bugging me. I went to the bathroom, and there was blood. Lots of dark red blood. I kept trying to get to my dr, but I couldn’t for some reason, and the blood didn’t stop. I woke up then, but can’t stop thinking about it.

I think the reason for the blood in my dream was because I spotted a little yesterday. M and I DTD yesterday morning (for the first time in WEEKS – according to him!), and then I started to spot. I summed it up to the fact of DTD, and that it wasn’t much to worry about (also thanks to my friend H who reassured me). If it were to get worse or more of a red color, I would have called my dr, but it stayed pink and really light. I haven’t had any since, except in my dream.

Odd dreams are said to be a part of pregnancy, but I hope my odd dreams are at least fun, and not scary like bleeding uncontrollably. I am trying not to read too much into the dream either. They are the things that were on my mind, coming out in my sleep. Nothing to worry about… right?

Chocolate the Cure?

I have gained 2 lbs. I am getting really sick though, and have only been able to eat saltine crackers for the most part. I tried to eat lunch today at work, tacos and corn bread casserole with chocolate shortcake and strawberries for dessert. I couldn’t do the taco at all (and it looked so good!), got some of the corn bread casserole down, and devoured the shortcake! Good to know that the “bad” for me foods are the things that my stomach can actually handle right now.

I was never sick like this with Pumpkin. Maybe it’s because it is a different pregnancy, but my girlfriend says maybe it means I’ll have a girl. I don’t know what it is, but I will take the sickness if that means that little Bug is still alive and hanging in there. I will even gain 100 lbs from eating chocolate if that is the only thing that keeps me feeling ok. Ok, not really, I think I would have to cut myself off if I started to gain that much and just endure being sick!

Sweet Surprise

I had to come home from work today. I felt so sick and wasn't sure what end it was going to come out of! I don't know if it is pregnancy related, or something else, like the flu. I do know a couple people who have had the flu recently too.

Last night I was having such horrid cramps that I called my dr. She sent me up to the hospital to get an US to see what was going on. M had to stay home with Pumpkin, but I really wish he would have been there for this. I got to see little bug, and it's little heart beating away! It's measuring at 6 wks 2 days, and the heart rate was around 111 bpm. That is slow, but normal for this time frame. So, I present to you, our little bug!

Sorry for the crappy pic, I took it with my cell phone!

It was awesome to see and I REALLY wish M could have been there. It was so reassuring to see the heart beating, and it was a very nice surprise!

But, because it was after hours at the hospital, I had to register at the ER. While I was sitting there waiting, the girl on the floor in front of me was throwing up, and the girl next to me was laying on her mom because she was sick. I am REALLY hoping I didn't pick up some sickness and the reason I had to come home was totally baby related!

Changes Are Happening... I Think

I am noticing some changes. My skin is extremely oily. I am breaking out all over the place. It almost looks like I have the chicken pox. I am getting zits in places I didn’t know were possible!

I have been feeling “icky” the last couple days too. I feel sick cuz I’m hungry, but when I eat, I still feel sick. I threw up once, just slightly, while brushing my teeth. I feel like I am going to throw up pretty often though. Lucky for me I am not a throw up person, I could count the number of times on one hand, so maybe I will stay that way.

My stomach is bloated up big. I haven’t gained any weight, despite my binge eating lately because I have been walking almost everyday, but I swear, my stomach is bigger then it usually is. Not like baby belly, but more like bloated belly. Or maybe my uterus is getting bigger and it is pushing my fat further out? My stomach muscles feel tighter, but that could be because of the walking and working some muscles for a change! I feel really bloated all over though, and could hardly move my rings this morning. I couldn’t get them off at all to shower.

I always thought prenatals were supposed to make your hair beautiful too. But mine has been falling out! Well, on my head anyways. I seem to be growing some beautiful leg and armpit hair though! I can’t keep up with it!!! Poor M is going to have a troll in bed with him if I don’t shave soon. And the PCOS hair hasn’t seem to let up at all.

Cravings have started. Unfortunately for me, I have never been a health nut, SO, why should it change while I am pregnant? Cupcakes, cake, gooey cookies. Oh yeah, that is what I am talking about! I have been good though, and haven’t given in to those cravings. Instead I am trying to watch what I eat, and since I was craving those sweets, I bough a bag of Jolly Ranchers. Not quite the same thing, but I was hoping they would tie me over. (note: they have not. I am still craving the other stuff)

Changes are starting, but I am still not sure what to make of them. I hope they mean little bug is hanging on tight, but it is still REALLY early. And maybe these changes are just all in my head?! Maybe I am always like this and am just noticing it now because I am looking for anything and everything.

Too Early To Tell

I was on Facebook last night, and a friend of mine started chatting me. He always does, but only says like 2 things normally. Last night he was pretty talkative, so I knew something was up. And I was right.

He asked if I was pregnant. I didn’t respond. Then he thought I was mad at him, so I had to say something. So, I asked where he heard that. He said it was last weekend while he was out, but he couldn’t remember who said it. He also said he was sorry if it made me mad but he thought he would just ask me to find out if it was true. My only response was that I wasn’t mad, but was just wondering who would say that. I never confirmed nor denied the fact that I am pregnant.

It is still too scary for me to tell a bunch of people that I am pregnant. For one thing, it’s early. Something could still go wrong, and the odds are high that it will. I can’t imagine word swirling around town that I am pregnant, then that I lost it. I don’t want that. Another thing is, I have kind of become a private person. I think it has (a lot) to do with the fact that Ex is psycho and stalks me and tries to find out everything about me. But, my life and business is just that, mine. Not anyone else’s, unless I want you to know. I don’t want something happening in my life that is so huge and important to me, be known to people that I don’t care about. This is exciting for me and M, our families, and our close friends. No one else needs to know.

M and I both knew that by telling our close friends that word would spread fast. I didn’t think this fast though, and since we only told a couple people, I am curious as to who said something. I know people talk, but I was kind of hoping that our friends would respect the fact that this could end badly, and not be spreading the word just yet.

I feel kind of rude not wanting people to know, but it really is not their business. And this first trimester is a time for me and M. I don’t want our town talking about us. I want to enjoy every day I get with the little bug, and when I am finally on the safer side of things, then others can enjoy it too. Until then, my lips are sealed. And I wish everyone else’s were too.

Nothing

I don’t feel pregnant. I don’t feel like its real. The only “symptom” I have had would be that my boobs hurt really bad! I have felt a little sick, but nothing too bad. I am not as tired as I was, but I am also getting used to no caffeine.

I want to feel like I am pregnant. I want to know that I am and that the little bug is sticking in there and growing big. I have nothing though.

I guess nothing is better then bad things.