Dates and Measurements

Last Monday I took a break from the hospital and concentrated on BB3. I had an US in the afternoon and my first OB appt following.

According to my last missed period, blood draw, and very first early US, I should have been 8 wks pregnant. Well, the baby was only measuring 6 wks, and it's heart rate was 99. My dates could be off considering that I have no idea when I O'd, and my periods are always a little screwy. At 6 wks, a heart rate of 99 isn't bad because it could be just starting to beat, and it normally starts at 85. She adjusted my due date from September 3rd to September 17th, the day before M and my 3rd anniversary.

Little BB3!

Dr K was a little concerned though because at my early US they saw something that could be the gestational sac, and if I was only 6 wks at this appt, they shouldn't have been able to see it. So just to be on the safe side, she ordered another US for the next week, this last Monday.

It was a different girl that did this US. Going off of my last US measuring/date, I should be 7 wks. Well BB3 was only measuring 6 wks still, and it's heart rate was a slow 105. The average heart rate for 7 wks is about 120. I left and I cried. Dr K said she isn't really sure what is going on. She wasn't too concerned about the lack of growth because it can be so hard this early on to determine. But the heart is slow, and not increasing as fast as it should (3 beats per day). She said you either lose the baby, or it goes, and mine isn't really doing either. She ordered another US for Friday, but I got her to change it to Thursday, I just couldn't wait that extra day.

I know that this baby was unexpected. And I know that I cried to my mom because I didn't want another kid right now. But I do want it. And so does M. We both have gotten so excited about it and I am already so attached to my little BB3. If I loose this baby, I will be devastated. I am trying so hard not to stress or worry, but I can't help it. Thursday cannot get here fast enough. I am praying and pleading that everything is right on track and healthy and good at this next US.

Miscarriage is always a worry and concern. Even after you have had a baby, it still lingers in the back of your mind. I never really thought of it as a possibility though. Yes it scares the shit out of me, but I figured I have successfully carried 2 babies already, so a 3rd shouldn't be a problem. Now I am facing the very real realization that miscarriage can, and does, happen, despite how many kids you have had.

If you pray, please pray for little BB3 to pull through. If you believe in something else, please rub Buddha's belly, do a little dance, or whatever it is that you believe. We need all the help we can get right now and it is all appreciated.

9 Days

After 9 days in the hospital we are finally home!!! We were supposed to leave on day 8, but the stupid companies that were going to rent out equipment to us either didn't have the right thing, or wouldn't authorize it for some dumb reason, so we got stuck another night. I cried. I missed Pumpkin so much (he had been spending most of the time with Ex), and I just wanted to be home with my family, on our couch, watching our TV with no stations, sleeping in our bed next to M. Instead we improvised. M went to Dairy Queen, got us some blizzards, Pumpkin came to the hospital, and we sat on the beds watching the hospital's TV that actually has stations, and then Pumpkin and I snuggled the night away in our little fold-out bed (the actual hospital bed was so uncomfortable I gave it to M!). It was really nice, and a good alternative since we couldn't be at home. But let me start from the beginning....

Last Tuesday, January 15th, we took Miss L up to the ER because she seemed to be having a hard time breathing. The wait was FOR-EV-ER long, but they got us in a little quicker since she has a heart condition. They took her temp, which was 102.something, tested her for the flu and RSV, and took some X-Rays of her chest.

So sick but still so cute

Flu came back negative, RSV was positive, and her X-Rays showed she had pneumonia. So they sent us home with instructions to follow-up the next day with her primary dr. Um.... ok? I am actually very upset they sent us home then. SHE HAS RSV AND PNEUMONIA!!!!! But, we went home.

The next day she was worse. I couldn't get her to move, she was so lethargic. When I set her on the ground she just laid there. She didn't even attempt to crawl or anything. At her dr's appt I told Dr S that I was not comfortable taking her home. She had gotten worse since the night before and it scared me. He did a nebulizer breathing treatment on her and then checked her O2 levels. They were only 88 at best. So he sent us to the hospital to be admitted.

Our room was at the end of the hall, and was probably the biggest room which was really nice. Anyone that wanted to come in our visit though had to dress in a yellow cover thing, a mask, and gloves. Luckily, M and I didn't have to since we were staying with her.

The view out our window

They set her up in a cage crib and got oxygen going. She didn't do anything but just lay there. It broke my heart but I was relieved to be at the hospital getting treatment. They tried to just lay an oxygen mask with her, but she wasn't getting enough so they had to put a tube in her nose. She didn't love this, but didn't hate it either, I think she was too sick to care too much.

Sleeping so good

Pumpkin visiting his sister!

A blood test showed that her white blood cells were low, too low. They were lower than what they should be even for her being sick. Dr S told us that regardless of what her oxygen did, we couldn't leave until they came up. This worried me, but with so much other stuff going on, I pushed it to the back of my head and just focused on getting her comfortable and breathing.

She was on oxygen 24 hrs a day for about the first 5 days there. After that they were able to take her off of her daytime oxygen but she still required it for nighttime. As soon as she would fall asleep her oxygen would drop into the 80's. They were able to slowly get her off her nighttime oxygen too, and she was only needing it for about an hour at night.

Another X-Ray showed she still had her pneumonia, and another blood test revealed her white blood cells were still low, but were actually going up. Dr S actually looked at the age (?) of the cells. I guess you can see what stage they are in.... But he was happy with them. While they were still low, there were new ones building up. He also checked for too much carbon monoxide in her blood which came back good.

Her personality came back and she was starting to laugh and play in her little cell. Last night Miss L didn't require any oxygen at all throughout the night! She dropped into the 80's a few time, but didn't stay there long enough too warrant putting oxygen on her.

Today, our 9th day of being at the hospital, we got to go home!

Home bound!!!

Because we didn't put oxygen on her last night, the company that was going to rent us machines to watch her O2 levels wouldn't authorize it. I think she is much better now, and probably isn't going to require any oxygen, but the machine would have been a nice piece of mind. Especially since another X-Ray showed that her pneumonia still wasn't any better.

We have follow-up with Dr S on Monday. We also have to watch later on for asthma. There is an increased chance of babies that get RSV end up getting asthma from the damage done to their lungs. And she had pneumonia on top of it. But that is a bridge we will cross, if and when it comes. I am just happy to have my little girl back, my son home, and my family together.

Quarantined

I have not vanished, but instead have been quarantined. Miss L got sick and we have been in the hospital for the last 8 days now.

I feel like I should start etching tally marks into the walls

I am hoping we get to go home today, with a few extra machines to take with us, but at least we will be home. I promise to post more soon, but I can't right now, not enough time! Please just say a little prayer for us that she can heal fast and completely and the drs can figure out just what exactly is going on. Thanks :)

Dr's

I got some pretty horrible news the other day. Well, it was pretty horrible to me anyways! Dr K is moving away. I almost cried when her receptionist told me when I called to make my first appointment. She will still see me for the next 1 1/2 months, but then she is leaving.

How can she do this?! I have been going to her for 5 1/2 yrs!!! She know my crotch better than M! And now who do I see?! Who can I call at any random time and ask if the chunky discharge is normal? Or what other OBGYN is going to prescribe me pink eye medicine over the phone without even seeing me, even though they work way further South then my eyes? I'm devastated that she will not be there to deliver BB3 (my new name for this one:) ). She knows me and my body so well. And I trust her, which is something to be said about a dr.

Well, I am going to see her for my first early OB appt, scheduled for the 21st, but then I have to find a different dr. I thought about being defiant and throwing a temper tantrum and just not seeing one, but figured that wasn't wise. So I started out on my search for drs in the area, which is pretty slim considering I don't live in a huge place.

Choice 1: OBGYN Associates. It has 4 drs, two of which are male. I know a lot of people who have gone to them and say great things, but not for me. Reason 1 being I don't want a male dr. Yea they are just as good as females, and have all the same credentials, except for a major one: THEY HAVE NEVER GONE THROUGH IT. How can they tell me what something is going to feel like, or what is perfectly normal to experience, when they have never had to do it themselves? Also, I am not super comfortable about have any male, other then M, between my legs. If you have a male dr and love it, I am happy for you, its just REALLY not for me. I also don't like that there are 3 drs. I want to get to know my dr, and them me. I want to know who will be delivering and who I am going to be seeing.

Choice 2: A whole slew of midwives that I have NEVER heard of, didn't even though the existed. I have known a lot of pregnant girls, and if I have never even heard mention of one of these people's names, I'm not wasting my time. Probably not the best way to go about it, but I want a good reference on somebody.

Choice 3: The neighboring town. This was a big contender for me. It is only about 20 minutes away, Dr K actually suggested a lady there, and I have heard WONDERFUL things about their delivery  and recovery rooms. I really thought about going this route except for the 20 minutes away thing. If you remember my birth with Miss L, 20 minutes could be the difference of delivering at the hospital or delivering in the car.

Choice 4: My only other real option that I saw was the midwives that I had heard of. My friend K and L both went to them and had nothing but great things to say. This is the option I went (or am going to go) with. They seemed super nice when I talked to the one lady on the phone. They can handle my meds, but can't do colposcopies and such, so I would have to be referred out if that ever came up again. There is only 2 of them, both women, phew! Actually I lied. There is 3 of them right now, but the one lady is leaving as soon as the other comes back from maternity leave, so there will be only 2. I reviewed their website and they may be a little more on the granola-hippish side, but that's ok with me as long as they know I like my hospitals and drugs.

I am a little excited to meet these new ladies, but still so sad about Dr K. I am going to miss her so much! She told me she does have email, so we can keep in touch, but its just not the same!!! I have never liked a dr before, or formed a friendship with one. Its going to be really hard to say goodbye, especially since I am already so emotional!

Have you ever lost a dr that you really liked? Do you have a male dr?!

God's Plan

I'm not even sure how to start this, or write it for that matter... I guess I will start from the sorta beginning?!

A friend of ours is pregnant. They have a little boy who just turned 2, and decided that they wanted a summer baby, so started trying. Wham bam, they are pregnant instantly. Exciting right? Of course! BUT I couldn't help but feel upset. Why is it so easy for some? How come they can say "we want a summer baby so we will try in November and guess what, we will get pregnant"? That doesn't happen for everyone... us.

We aren't even trying, or wanting a baby right now. We are happy just the 4 of us. Yes, another baby is desired at some time. We thought that maybe this fall we would start trying again. That way Miss L would be 2 1/2 when it was born IF we got pregnant right away. Which we didn't plan on, so we figured it would give us some more time to let Miss L get a little bigger. I guess God has his own plans for everyone and His own timing.

This is what I keep telling myself right now. It is all God's plan. All God's timing. He is in control and He makes the decisions. So when my period didn't come, I figured I was just running another long cycle. Possibly longer than the last, and thought that trend might keep up. I took a test just to clear that step before calling Dr K and having her prescribe me some progesterone to get myself going. Here were my results:

Yes, you are seeing that correctly. Pregnant. Say WHAT?! How the hell does that happen? Like I said, we don't want another baby right now! We aren't trying! It doesn't make sense.

I should be happy, and I am getting there. People that go through infertility know that these things just don't happen. M and I figured MONTHS of trying again when we were ready. But God has his plan. I am not sure what it is at this time, seeing that we live in a tiny 3 bedroom house, with no room for another baby, and not a whole lot of money. But He has a plan and we are in it.

I feel absolutely horrible to not be super excited. Trust me, I am excited. Its just that the timing is crazy! Miss L isn't even 1! We are going to have 2 babies in diapers... diapers.... lots and lots of money! And our house is so small. Miss L's room barely fits her stuff. And we have no money!

Everything will work itself out. I am sure of this. It is just a shock and surprise and blessing that I don't know what to do with it. My levels were in the range of 4-5 weeks along. Which makes even less sense. My last period ended 4 1/2 weeks ago....

We don't understand. We are in shock. We are trying to figure things out. I don't even feel like its real. Despite not being ready right now, I do know that I would be absolutely devastated if it didn't carry through. I am praying for a healthy baby at the end of this. And I know when we hold that baby in our arms, it will all make sense.

2013 and Resolutions

Happy New Years everyone! I hope you all had a fabulous holiday.

Ours was pretty low key. M worked and didn't feel like doing much by the time he got home, which was fine by me cuz I didn't either! So I made a meat and cheese tray and we both made a chip dip, and M's parents came over. We played some games and just hung out, nice and relaxing. It took everything I had to make it to midnight though! Luckily, pretty quickly after the ball dropped everyone left! I love my family, but my love for my bed was winning!

I decided years ago to not make resolutions. I felt like every year I would make them and wouldn't keep them. It was like setting myself up for failure. Um, no thanks. This year though, I have actually decided to make a resolution once again. I really believe I can keep it too. My resolution is to do a random act of kindness once a month.

I know I can keep this resolution because it isn't hard or too far fetched. Its not doing something every day, or every week. Once a month. That gives me, on average, 30 days to do it. Plus, it isn't something just for me. It will be something that others enjoy, which makes me want to do it even more. I have only told my parents about my resolution because I don't want it to be a big deal. Random acts. No one needs to know who or why.

I will keep you all posted on my random acts though! So, if you decide to make a resolution similar, maybe I can share some ideas :)

Do you make resolutions? What are yours?