A friend of ours is pregnant. They have a little boy who just turned 2, and decided that they wanted a summer baby, so started trying. Wham bam, they are pregnant instantly. Exciting right? Of course! BUT I couldn't help but feel upset. Why is it so easy for some? How come they can say "we want a summer baby so we will try in November and guess what, we will get pregnant"? That doesn't happen for everyone... us.
We aren't even trying, or wanting a baby right now. We are happy just the 4 of us. Yes, another baby is desired at some time. We thought that maybe this fall we would start trying again. That way Miss L would be 2 1/2 when it was born IF we got pregnant right away. Which we didn't plan on, so we figured it would give us some more time to let Miss L get a little bigger. I guess God has his own plans for everyone and His own timing.
This is what I keep telling myself right now. It is all God's plan. All God's timing. He is in control and He makes the decisions. So when my period didn't come, I figured I was just running another long cycle. Possibly longer than the last, and thought that trend might keep up. I took a test just to clear that step before calling Dr K and having her prescribe me some progesterone to get myself going. Here were my results:
Yes, you are seeing that correctly. Pregnant. Say WHAT?! How the hell does that happen? Like I said, we don't want another baby right now! We aren't trying! It doesn't make sense.
I should be happy, and I am getting there. People that go through infertility know that these things just don't happen. M and I figured MONTHS of trying again when we were ready. But God has his plan. I am not sure what it is at this time, seeing that we live in a tiny 3 bedroom house, with no room for another baby, and not a whole lot of money. But He has a plan and we are in it.
I feel absolutely horrible to not be super excited. Trust me, I am excited. Its just that the timing is crazy! Miss L isn't even 1! We are going to have 2 babies in diapers... diapers.... lots and lots of money! And our house is so small. Miss L's room barely fits her stuff. And we have no money!
Everything will work itself out. I am sure of this. It is just a shock and surprise and blessing that I don't know what to do with it. My levels were in the range of 4-5 weeks along. Which makes even less sense. My last period ended 4 1/2 weeks ago....
We don't understand. We are in shock. We are trying to figure things out. I don't even feel like its real. Despite not being ready right now, I do know that I would be absolutely devastated if it didn't carry through. I am praying for a healthy baby at the end of this. And I know when we hold that baby in our arms, it will all make sense.
Wow what a surprise! Congratulations and I will keep your family in my prayers! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy :)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! That means a lot to me :)
DeleteI can so relate to you. I thought that I owed it to the baby I lost to appreciate the one that was a surprise and at first, I didn't. You will grow to love this little babe just as much and things will work out. They always do. Hard to think that when I first learned that I was pregnant with Max, I was so upset that I was considering all (ALL) of my options, and now I am fighting for his life and praying that he is here forever. :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy how our thoughts and feelings change? Now that we are getting excited and talking about the things we need to do to prepare (bigger house!!!), I've had this sick feeling that I will lose BB3 cuz of my feelings in the beginning!
DeleteI'm praying for Lil Max too! He has a strong mama though, so I don't doubt he will be strong and surprise us all :)
Congrats! BB3 is one lucky kid.
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