Late Period?!

For two weeks I picked apart everything I was feeling, and tried not to think about it! Two weeks is long enough without me picking apart every little twinge or tummy ache. I tried my best, but it didn't help, I still questioned everything I felt going on inside my body. But then, something happened that really got my hopes up. The day my period was due, it didn't come.

Could this really be it? Could it have really worked this time? Could I actually be pregnant?! I still didn't want to get my hopes up too high because it hurts bad enough seeing those negative tests or getting P. But I was excited, P didn't show!!! It was 28 days from my last period, and although my body isn't known for working right, all the meds have really helped it be on time. The only thing that worried me though, was that I had started the Clomid later this month, and the IUI was on day 16 of my cycle instead of 14. Could those days put my period behind?

I couldn't wait to find out, and I wanted to know for certain, so I ran over to urgent care and got a blood test. I know that the test only takes about an hour in the lab, so I was certain I would be able to find out quickly. I about crapped my pants when (after they were done) the dr said he would have the results tomorrow. Yep, tomorrow. Then he asked if that was ok! NO! Its not ok, I need to know right now!!! But, he had already drawn my blood, and there was nothing I could do, except wait, and take a home test.

I was nervous, and just wanted to know, so I bought a home test, and headed to the bathroom. It was one of the double line ones, not the "pregnant" "not pregnant" digital ones. I didn't want to watch the window, but couldn't stop myself. And I watched and waited as only 1 line appeared. Negative. My heart sunk, I felt sick, and tears brimmed my eyes. I was still going to hold onto some hope though, despite my better instinct telling me not to, for the blood test.

I didn't need the dr to call and tell me the results the next afternoon because P showed on her own that night. I couldn't think or function. All I did was cry. I cried because this was the best chance we had had. I cried because we had to use IUI to only get a 20% chance of getting pregnant, the chance the average person has every month. And I cried because I knew that we needed a mental and physical break from trying. That is where we are right now.

We are still trying, and have plans in place, but I am taking a break from the Clomid and treatments right now. You can only take Clomid before having to take a break, and I have taken it 5 times, so I have to take a break. We still know when to DTD, and do during those times, but we are trying on our own for a couple months. If no pleasant surprise happens by August, we will do another round of IUI.

I know this break is necessary, but it is still hard. When my period showed this month, both M and I were upset. We thought that since we weren't "trying" (or trying with the dr this month) that maybe we would get lucky. So we are on to another month, and getting closer to August for our other round of IUI.

IUI

My IUI was scheduled for 2:00 in the afternoon. M’s men had to be at the lab 1 hour prior to be washed and prepped. In order to get them there at that time, I had to meet M on lunch, and drive the back roads! It felt like we were in high school again (minus the collection cup)!

Once I got what I needed, I left M and headed up to the lab. It has definitely gotten easier handing over a cup full of sperm! She said I could either wait, or just come back in about an hour to pick them up, which is what I did. Luckily, Dr K’s office is close to the lab, so once I got M’s men back, I was able to get from the lab to her office in 5 minutes.

She was in the middle of seeing a patient, so she told me to put the syringe containing M’s sperm in my boobs too keep them warm. I sat out in the waiting room, the top of the syringe sticking out of cleavage, and talked with the other lady waiting. It was a little awkward, but you gotta do what you gotta do! Once Dr K was ready, I went back into a room, stripped my bottoms down, and propped my rump up.

They use a catheter to get the sperm high into your uterus up by your tubes. This was quite painful for me because she couldn’t get the catheter through my cervix. She poked and prodded and finally was able to slide it up. Then she hooked the syringe holding all of M’s men (which were actually really good this time, high numbers!) to the end of it, and slowly (as to not cause cramping which can force the sperm back out) emptied the syringe into me. It only took about 20 minutes for her to do the whole procedure, but then I had to lay there for 20 more.

With my butt in the air, I laid back and relaxed. I had made a playlist on my iPod to listen to while I had to wait, which I would recommend to anyone doing this, it really helps pass the time. Once 20 minutes was up, I got dressed, said goodbye and went on my way. The TWW was on!

Competition?

You might be thinking that the only reason M wanted to move to the next step of trying was because of the “competition” with Ex. But that is not true.

M and I have been trying very hard to get pregnant, and the thought that someone else (we know like 8 people who have gotten pregnant while we are trying), especially Ex, would get pregnant before us was just too much.

So I called up Dr K, she called in a prescription for Clomid, and we set an US date. The US showed that I had one good follicle that was about ready to go. In order to be able to time everything, I had to take another hcg shot. The bummer about this one was, that because of the time frame, I had to drive into town (we live about 20 minutes out) at 11:00 PM, go into Labor and Delivery, and have one of the nurses there give it to me. Let’s just say, I was exhausted the next day!

The next step was to get M’s men up to the lab at 1:00 PM so they could be washed and prepped for the IUI at 2:00 PM. Getting a sample from M during the middle of the day was interesting since he can only take about a 30 minute lunch, and we live, like I said, about 20 minutes out of town. That left us with one option: a little high school car action!

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Kid's Say The Darndest Things

Let me start this by giving you a little background info. Not a lot (I will another time), but a little.

My ex (son’s father) is something else. I don’t even quite know how to explain him, and I could probably write a whole post trying. I won’t today, but I will tell you this. After we broke up, I started dating someone. Ex was not happy about this and made big issues all the time. A couple months later, he started dating someone, and the issues quieted a little, but still continued. I broke up with my then boyfriend and started dating M. M and I moved fast. We knew what we wanted, and that we wanted it with each other. We got a place, and moved in together, (Ex had ALWAYS been against moving in with someone until you were married, even when I was pregnant!). M and I then started to look at buying our own home (and did!). So what did Ex do? Went out and bought a house, and moved in with his girlfriend. M proposed. A month later, Ex proposed to his girlfriend. We later found out through a very trustworthy source (his mom works with Ex’s mom), that Ex’s mom REALLY pressured Ex to propose to his girlfriend (wasn’t the first time she did that, but more later). We set a wedding date, Ex and his girlfriend set one 2 weeks before us. If you can see the pattern here, Ex always has to “beat us” to things. Its very strange and I don’t get that mentality, but whatever.

So, what does this have to do with anything, or with what a 3-yr-old could say to make us change our minds about waiting to continue with treatments for awhile? Well, one fine day, I picked my son (Pumpkin) up from Ex’s house and he asked me if I had a baby. I gave him a look and said no, just you! He then asked me if I wanted a baby. Ex was standing right there, so I told him, no, the only baby I want is you! When we got in the car, I asked him who had a baby and he told me that Ex’s wife had a baby. I asked where (thinking maybe they played with some dolls or something weird), and he told me at the dr’s. So, M and I thought that Mrs Ex must be pregnant and they took my Pumpkin to the dr with them.

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This made M mad! He said no, they are not going to get this before us too! He told me to call Dr K and get us set up for IUI this month. So, that is what I did.

Pains

After the hcg shot, I started to have horrible cramping pains. They were so bad, that I could hardly move. Luckily I was able to stay home from work, so I could lay around and be miserable. But, as anybody who has gone through fertility treatments knows, I didn’t mind the horrible pains, as long as that meant that it was working. So, I sat around, delighting in my misery.

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The cramping from the hcg only lasted about a day or two, then the other pains started. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded, horrid, most painful thing in the world. The TWW (two week wait). During this time, I analyze every. single. little. thing. Is that a cramp? Is there any implantation bleeding? Am I nauseas? Can I smell better? The things to wonder about are endless, and don’t help move the time along at all. So I sit and wonder and analyze for two weeks, hoping that the reason I can’t poo is because I am pregnant.

This TWW seemed to last even longer, especially since we had moved to the next step in our fertility treatments. I wanted to test so many times, but knew that if I tested too soon, I could get a false positive from the hcg injection I had received. So I waited it out, and the day before my period was supposed to come, I tested. And…. “not pregnant”. Thanks for spelling out for me stupid home pregnancy test.

I cried, like normal, and my M hugged me. But the hardest part was the fact that M thought maybe we should take a little break. Give it a couple months, regroup, and then start trying again. We had already been through so much with all our negative tests, and the testing he had to go through, he thought it might be good for us, our bodies, and our marriage.

I didn’t like this idea one bit, but thought he might be right. I would just have to suck it up. The only thing, this idea didn’t last very long. In fact, it changed drastically when my 3-year-old said something interesting to me…

The Butt Is Better

Since M's men were "ok" according to Dr Ass, Dr K thought that we should add hcg to the mix of things. I started on Clomid again, and on day 12 went in for an US. This showed us how many follicles I had, which ovary they were coming from, and if they were large enough to "trigger" with hcg. Luckily for us, we came in just the right time. I had a good follicle that only needed about 1 more day to grow a little bit bigger. I would pick the hcg up from the pharmacy, go back the next day, and get it injected.

When I went in for my hcg shot, the nurse asked me if I wanted it in the arm or the butt. Now, let me start by saying that I am deathly afraid of needles. Odd since I have 5 tattoos, but something about them going under my skin and injecting stuff, or drawing stuff out, scares the bejeezus out of me. Whenever I see a needle coming at me, I get all clammy, panicky, and start breathing either rapidly or not at all. Since I have never gotten a shot in the butt before, and I already knew how much I hated them in the arms, I opted for the butt. The nurse also told me that the butt seems to hurt less, so I was sold.

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The butt is so much better! I don’t mind the butt at all! I got a little panicky when a dropped my drawers and bent over, but it was just the smallest little prick and then it was done! It was fast, didn’t hurt, and since I couldn’t see her getting ready to do it, it didn’t bother me as much. I would take a shot in the butt over the arm any day! It probably helps that I have a little extra cushioning back there, but I still recommend the butt to everyone. I did get a little bruise and sore the next day, but not bad.

The next step was to wait about 36 hrs, then DTD. So… that is what we did! Then the TWW was on.

How Do They Do It?!?!

M submitted another sample to the lab, and waited for his ultrasound date to come up. I have to admit, it was kinda nice not worrying for a month about when we needed to DTD, the agony over the TWW (two week wait), and not being surprised by the big P (period). Although, I would have much rather been trying, we enjoyed relaxing for a bit.

I was anxious to get M’s results back from his second SA, so I called Dr Ass’s office to hear them, but they wouldn’t tell me. I was pissed. Those are my husband’s men! I have a right to know!!!! They told me that I could go to the hospital and request a copy from the records department, or wait until his appt. Well, I wasn’t going to do either of those. For one, I have no idea where the records department is, and for two, I couldn’t wait another week for his appt! So, I called my dr and she got a hold of the report and called me back with the results (I love this lady!). They were better then last time *yay*, but still not that great *boo*. Even though it wasn’t exactly what we wanted to hear, it was nice to know them.

M went in for his US, but didn’t let me come. I was bummed because I really couldn’t figure out how they do an US on someone’s balls. I wanted to compare it to my US. Do they make them lay down or just sit there? Do they hold them in their hands, or just let them flop on the bed? I was so curious, but I understood where M was coming from, just as long as he could give me a very good description when he was done. After they did the US, they took him back to a room to talk to Dr Ass, and I got to meet him. I prodded and pried for a description, but, being the man he is, he couldn’t offer me a detailed enough one. (If you have ever seen this type of US go down, or have a good description of it, let me know cuz I’m still curious!!!!)

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Dr Ass came in and talked to us about the US results. It was as he thought, a varicocele. This news was somewhat relieving because that meant that it was fixable, and not life, or permanently sperm, threatening. But, the bummer was that there isn’t a for sure link between infertility in men and varicoceles. It’s believed that the varicocele causes the balls to get too warm and ruins the sperm, but it can’t be proven that it is 100% of what happens. They find that by fixing the varicocele, it only helps some men up their sperm count, and not a drastic increase. And the surgery is scary! They cut open the ball sack, separate the good veins and tubes, and cut out the varicocele. M would be out for about a week recovering.

This option isn’t a complete no, but it is definitely a not right now. We were thinking maybe more towards winter. There were a couple things that helped us decide this.

1) M doesn’t have a week to miss from work right now, so it would be without pay (AAAHHH!!!). And winter is slower for him.

2) It isn’t a guarantee that this will fix his sperm count, only a maybe. We don’t want to spend tons of money on an “eh, it might help, but we don’t really know”.

3) Its scary! What if they slipped up and cut something they weren’t supposed to?! I know that they are professionals, but still, if they did mess up or something else happened, it could cause us way more problems!

The dr did say that his numbers were a little better then last time, and that they were actually hovering around “average” now, just on the low-low side, so that was somewhat encouraging. We felt pretty good about that news, and our decision, and left Dr Ass for the time being.

A Is For Ass

One of the downfalls of living in a small town is the lack of resources. So when Dr K told us that M needed to talk to an urologist, she could only give us 2 names. Dr M (female) or Dr A (male). Because of the nature of this visit, M told me that he would be more comfortable with a male dr, so I called up the office and made an appt with Dr A.

We arrived a few minutes early for the appt, and filled out our paper work. Then we sat and waited, and waited, and waited. We actually contemplated getting up and leaving after about 45 minutes of waiting, but decided against it since we really did want to know what was going on. FINALLY the nurse got us and took us back to a room, where we waited some more (imagine that). After 20 minutes more of waiting, we were sick of it and got up to leave. As I opened the door to walk out, Dr A was just opening it to come in. Since we were still there, and he was now there, we sat back down and talked to him.

The fact that we waited over an hour after our scheduled appt time should have been our first clue to leave. But, like I said, our options are limited, so we listened to what this dr had to say. Well, he was an ass. He told us that M’s numbers were low, but not so horribly low that we couldn’t get pregnant, just lower than what they like to see. He also told us that we just need to try longer and harder and that normally people try for at least a year before seeking medical help. I tried to explain to him that given the circumstances, my dr thought it necessary to start in with medical help right away because of my issues. He again told me that we need to try longer and harder.

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First of all, I don’t care what he thinks! I know he is a dr, but he does not know everything, especially given the fact that he has no idea what is going on, or not going on, in my body. Secondly, we did not come to him to ask for his opinion of if we should just try longer and “harder” (what does that mean anyways?), we came to figure out why M’s SA came back low. And third, he was just an ass. It was like he thought he was someone really special and knew everything about everything and everyone. Even they way he talked pissed me off. And he’s a dr, you think he could afford to fix his teeth. *sorry for the small rant*

He did explain that M’s problems could be caused by a number of things (of which he would not tell me), and offered to do a quick physical. I went and waited (some more) in the waiting room while he examined M. When they were done, M came out and told me that Dr Ass felt something by his testicles. Actually, M said “one nut is smaller then the other and there is something in there”. Because of the symptoms that M displayed and told to Dr Ass, Dr Ass thought is was an enlarging of the veins, called a varicocele. To know for sure though, they would have to do an US. So, unfortunately, we would have to come back to Dr Ass.

He sent a cup to do another SA, and had M schedule for an US.

Nurses Don't Know

I waited and waited and waited, and then finally called Dr K to get the results of M's test. Since Dr K was in with patients (hello! you need to dote on my constantly!!!!), I talked to her nurse. Lesson #2 in this, don't talk to the nurse about the results of a SA. The nurse I talked to really had no clue how to read the report, or what it meant. In fact, she told me there was blood found in it, which put me in panic mode as I scoured the internet to self-diagnose my husband. The things I found were not pretty, and had me going crazy. I was starting to fear for his life!

Thankfully Dr K called me back quickly and told me that no, there was no blood (she wasn't sure where the nurse got that from), but that his results were not very good. He had plenty of men, but not very many that looked good or knew where they were going. His men looked something like this:

Drawn by yours truly

Ok, maybe not quite like that, but his numbers for quality men were low, below "average". Dr K referred us to an urologist to talk to him about what could be causing the low numbers of usable sperm. So, we put my meds on hold for a month so we could get M taken care of.

Candles Don't Help

M and I tried to make getting a sample not so.... awkward, I guess you could say? But no matter what you try, it is not the most... romantic(?) thing to do. Setting the mood does not help, so just face the fact that your SO (significant other) has to jack off in a cup. I also would not suggest using any saliva or lubricants as this can ruin sperm quality.

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Cup in hand, M headed off to take care of business, while I waited and plotted the best way to get to the lab the quickest, as samples have to arrive within a time frame. When M handed me the cup, I tucked it in my armpit, careful not to tip it on its side (wouldn't want those men to swim away), and flew drove very carefully to the hospital. I ran calmly walked through the hospital to the lab.

I thought the most awkward part (getting the sample) was over, but I think handing my husband's sperm to some young girl in a white lab coat, trying to catch my breath from the nice stroll through the halls of the hospital, and stumbling over my words trying to tell her that those were my husband's men, I mean sperm, and they needed to be tested, checked, I needed an analysis, I mean my husband's men, sperman (yes, I think I really did sputter that out) needed an analysis, was worse. She told me to go ahead and tuck them back in my pit while she got me entered into the system. HELLO, WE ARE ON A TIME FRAME!!! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, PLEASE JUST TAKE THE CUP AND LET ME CRAWL IN A HOLE!!! I quietly stood and politely answered her 4,958,024,957 questions, then handed her the cup with a little smile and gracefully left the lab.

I think I may or may not have manically started laughing when I got back in the car, but I made it home and prayed for good results and that I would never have to do that again. The hour wait to hear the results was pure torture, but luckily I got to call Dr K and have her tell them to me instead of talking to the sweet girl at the lab again.

Step One

Our first plan of action was to get me to ovulate, since that seemed to be a big part of the problem. On day 3 of my cycle, I went in, had an US (ultrasound) to check for cysts, and then was prescribed 50 mg of Clomid. I took this for 5 days, waited a few days and took OPK's (ovulation prediction kits). When I got a positive, we DTD, confident that it would work, waited two weeks, and... nothing. No period, no positive pregnancy test, absolutely nothing, besides a lot of tears from me.

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Back to Dr K. She started me on progesterone to jump start my period, did a day 3 US, and was prescribed 50 mg of Clomid again. This time it was sure to work. But once again, no luck. We did this for 3 months, then decided to move onto the next step, adding HCG to the mix. It was decided that just because I was getting positive OPK's, that did not mean I was actually releasing the eggs, and the HCG would take care of that part for me. Way to go body, you could step up and do a little work yourself!

Before we did this though, we were going to test M's men to make sure they were up for the battle. So we set a date in February, took home our supplies, and got him ready.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Confucius

My son was born in 2008. He was not planned, but a very pleasant surprise none the less. Because I have had one child, I never thought that having more would be an issue. Oh how I was wrong!

In November 2009, I had an abnormal pap. I have had abnormal ones before, so it wasn't that big of news for me. My Dr (Dr K) told me to come back in 6 months for another one, which I did. That one was abnormal also. I returned about a month later to have the tissues scraped out and sent in to be tested. They came back as the beginnings of cancer.

I had to go back in a few weeks later and have all my tissues frozen off to kill the unwanted cells. This procedure was not pleasant, but I was in and out within about an hour. My follow up pap come back normal, and I was so relieved. I thought I was out of the woods and we would have no more troubles.

M and I knew that we wanted more children, 2 more in fact, and thought that after about a year of enjoying being newlyweds, we would decide a date, DTD (do the deed), and be pregnant. To help prepare my body for this, we decided to stop BC in August, a month before our wedding. We were not too worried if we ended up pregnant before a year and thought that not trying to, but not trying not to was a good plan. Only, this plan brought up more problems.

I started to have pains in my ovaries. I guess "pains" isn't exactly the best term to describe them, more like someone stabbing me, Every. Single. Day. There isn't a day that doesn't go by still that I don't hurt. On top of those pains, I was having non stop periods. The longest stretch I went without a period was 11 days (with the help of progesterone), then I started another 7+ day period. This went on for a couple months. Dr K put me on progesterone to cease my period for the wedding, and hopefully to get my body to start working on a regular cycle. It worked to halt the period, for a few days, but it didn't get my body cycling normal. Because of the non-stop periods, Dr K came to the conclusion that I may not be ovulating any more.

Being 23 at this time, and hearing I am not ovulating anymore, broke me. How could my body, at such a young "prime" age, not work?! Was this like menopause? Would I ever cycle again? Would I ever be able to get pregnant if I don't ovulate? How would M feel if we could not have kids because my body decided to do its own thing and stop working? The questions and fears ran wild in my head. Dr K referred me over to a fertility specialist (FS) to see what we could do and hopefully find out more of what was going on.

The FS diagnosed me with endometriosis (that is what causes my pains every day) and PCOS. The PCOS makes my ovaries almost leather like because of all the cysts covering them. This makes it really difficult for my body to be able to release an egg each month. The solution? Have surgery or get pregnant now.

Since M and I knew we wanted to have kids, and neither one of us is too fond with the idea of them blowing my stomach up, inserting lasers, and cutting at my reproductive organs, we decided we might as well just try to have a baby right now. No biggie. I was already off BC and we were ready to go. We figured that because of the endometriosis and PCOS, it might take a couple months, and we would probably need a little medication help, but that was ok. We got to it expecting that by the following fall (fall 2011) we would have our baby to take home. Little did we know that this was the single step to our journey of a thousand miles.