Pains

After the hcg shot, I started to have horrible cramping pains. They were so bad, that I could hardly move. Luckily I was able to stay home from work, so I could lay around and be miserable. But, as anybody who has gone through fertility treatments knows, I didn’t mind the horrible pains, as long as that meant that it was working. So, I sat around, delighting in my misery.

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The cramping from the hcg only lasted about a day or two, then the other pains started. Yep, I’m talking about the dreaded, horrid, most painful thing in the world. The TWW (two week wait). During this time, I analyze every. single. little. thing. Is that a cramp? Is there any implantation bleeding? Am I nauseas? Can I smell better? The things to wonder about are endless, and don’t help move the time along at all. So I sit and wonder and analyze for two weeks, hoping that the reason I can’t poo is because I am pregnant.

This TWW seemed to last even longer, especially since we had moved to the next step in our fertility treatments. I wanted to test so many times, but knew that if I tested too soon, I could get a false positive from the hcg injection I had received. So I waited it out, and the day before my period was supposed to come, I tested. And…. “not pregnant”. Thanks for spelling out for me stupid home pregnancy test.

I cried, like normal, and my M hugged me. But the hardest part was the fact that M thought maybe we should take a little break. Give it a couple months, regroup, and then start trying again. We had already been through so much with all our negative tests, and the testing he had to go through, he thought it might be good for us, our bodies, and our marriage.

I didn’t like this idea one bit, but thought he might be right. I would just have to suck it up. The only thing, this idea didn’t last very long. In fact, it changed drastically when my 3-year-old said something interesting to me…