I started my period today. Dr K told me it could be April before I got it, but I nope, I got it today. Just another reminder that I am no longer pregnant. That my baby died.
I thought I would take it harder than I did, although I can't say I took it good. I'm hoping that its a quick one though because the site of it makes my heart drop. Its different than the bleeding after the D&C. This is reminding me that life is continuing and my body that betrayed my earlier is still chugging along, doing its own thing.
Maybe I should be happy that my body got back into rhythm so quickly, but I am still angry at it. Angry that my heart is still broken, my mind still remembers, and yet my body moves on. How can it when I am still so emotionally not ready?
After Emerson passed away, my milk came in. It was the worst. Knowing I had this gift to give, but that the baby it was intended for was gone. These hard days will hit you when you don't expect it. Mother's Day will be hard, your due date will sneak up on you...K will ask a question you can't answer. Just remember that it's ok to feel and that there are lots of people who love you!
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