M and I had a boy name picked, so of course we had a girl. The whole time I was pregnant we went back and forth with girl names. On a whim I said LL. M didn't care for it at first, and I wasn't in love with it, so we continued on in our name search. Except, M started to really like LL. So much so that EVERY. SINGLE. NAME. I suggested, he said no to. Wouldn't even think about them. I began to resent the name LL because of it.
About a month before she was born, we finally decided on a name... Briar Rae. I do love the name Briar, and I was so happy that we decided on a name. The only problem? We questioned ourselves. A couple days before I was set to be induced, M brought up these questions and we tossed around the name Courtney.
Courtney wasn't just a name that M randomly came up with. Its actually Dee's middle name, and a name he said a long time ago. We contemplated the name and thought that maybe we shouldn't use it because it was my sister's middle name and the other sisters might feel left out. But we both liked it, so we stuck it on the back burner.
Anyways, questions arose and we weren't 100% on a girl name going into labor. Most likely it was going to be Briar, but Courtney was back in the mix. Had LL been a boy, it would have been SSSOOO much easier. But of course, she wasn't :)
When the dr said it was a girl and asked her name, I looked at M. He blurted out Courtney. Perfect. He decided in the moment, we both liked the name, it was settled. Or so I thought.
Sitting in the NICU I started to doubt our rash decision. I loved the name Courtney, but for some reason it felt hard to say. Almost like a mouth full in itself. I still loved the name Briar, but it just didn't really seem to "fit" her. And then M's love popped into mind, LL.
Let me tell you something. Never, and I mean NEVER, name a child right after birth when your emotions and hormones are going crazy. If M would have told me at that moment to shave my head, I would have. I had this unbearable urge to please him and make him happy (yes I feel the need to make him happy all the time, but this was that normal feeling x1320165142). SO I went back to our room and asked him if he would rather name her LL.
Of course he said yes. We felt a little odd and embarrassed to change her name since we had already made it "Facebook official", but we hadn't filled out the birth certificate yet, so it wasn't legally a big deal at all. So we changed her name.
That is secret one, that we changed her name. I guess its really only a secret to you since everyone that knows us personally already knew that. Secret two: I don't like her name.
I know I was the one who suggested it in the first place, but it was more a name in passing, along with the other bajillion I had suggested. I also know that I asked M if we should change it to that, but like I said, hormones + emotions = bad combo that will make you do irrational things.
Her name is absolutely HORRIBLE, but it doesn't make me think pretty, feminine, or unique at all. There are a few names I can say right this second that I would take over her name. I feel horrible for not liking her name, and kick my self in the ass constantly for changing it to LL, but there is nothing I can do now.
So, let me give you advice. Love your child's name. Be 100% sure, BEFORE birth, that the names on the table are ones you want to live with for the rest of your life. If you aren't positive about a name before your baby is born, give it at least 3 days before you say for sure what the name is going to be.
I love my daughter, but I don't like her name.
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| I mean honestly, how could you NOT love that little smile?! |
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