Its been 2 years (and week) since Baby S passed away. I can't believe that much time has already gone by. It still feels like yesterday. The pain is still so real, and my baby floods my mind daily. I wonder if there will ever be a time that I don't think about it. Truthfully, I figured that after 2 years it wouldn't be an every day thought, but yet it still is. And if I let myself think to much about it, I still cry.
The memory of it all, the heartbreak, the pain, the emptiness inside, is all to real right now as I am mourning the loss of my friends baby that she delivered yesterday at just 20 weeks. A couple days ago she posted how she felt him move, and now he is gone. I saw my baby's heart beating away, and little limbs wiggling about, and then it was gone.
Having experienced a loss myself I thought I would be better at consoling her, but I am not. I almost can't even try for fear that I will let myself slip back to the place of devastation. I find that I am jealous that she got 20 weeks with her baby, when I only got 10. That she got to feel the movements, when I only got to see them. That she knew the sex and had a name, when I can only go off a feeling and call "It" Baby S.
I feel so selfish for thinking those thoughts and feeling those feelings. I know the pain she is going through and I want to comfort her. I also know that no matter what I say or do, there is no comfort for a grieving mother.
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