I have literally had it sunny and snow in the same day here. Overall though, winter is slowly shifting into spring. The snow is melting and the sun has made a few more appearances. Temperatures have hit the 40's more than once, and I confidently hung the kids' winter coats in their bedrooms instead of by the front door.
While I love the snow and winter months, it is always a nice change to see the sun and some warmer weather. Since losing my mom though, changing seasons are so much harder. Last year, the season changes felt impossible and I cursed the sun. I wanted to stay in the grey, cloudy, snowy gloom forever. I never wanted the months to change. Changing months and seasons meant moving further away from the last time I saw my mom.
Those feelings are still with me, but I am dealing with them a little better this year. My mom loved the sun and summer. She couldn't wait for summer, so I am trying to look forward to it because of her, and not think of it as moving away from the season we lost her. I picture the warmth of the sun's rays as her arms wrapped around me, a gentle breeze her soft lips laying a kiss on my cheek.
Trying to find the good and happy in the changes is not easy, but I am trying. Some days it is too much. Sadness overwhelms me and I sit and cry out. Others I can hardly find the will to get out of bed. I know my mom would want me to go on though, so I push forward. With her, with my family, and we take the changes and learn how to deal with them.
